


A Little Tenderness And Truth

by Floral_mess



Series: Supernatural (mostly Destiel) One-shots [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little angst, Drabble, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, One-Shot, Pie, Supernatural ship, Support
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-10-21 11:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10684278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Floral_mess/pseuds/Floral_mess
Summary: Cas' newly fallen body and mind is confusing and deeply troubling and when he finds himself unconscious and trapped in a Djins dream state Dean comes to save him but in doing so finds something he wouldn't have ever dreamed of,





	1. A Little Tenderness And Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> So this is my first ever Oneshot on here(woo)  
> Kudos, comments and any kind of constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> I have a Destiel oneshot book that I may be posting on here, but is all on Wattpad and my username on there is: Impalalala_1967
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Destiel one-shot that's honestly just a lot of fluff and pie and looking after Cas because honestly that's what we all want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First fic wooo!
> 
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are welcome as always and I do have a oneshot Destiel book on Wattpad (my username is Impalalala_1967)
> 
> I hope you enjoy x

The low sound of music tumbling from the dusty speakers felt as if it was the only thing keeping the bunker alive. Cas had fallen not long ago and called us as soon as he had dragged himself into consciousness. Wherever he walked now, he left a scattered trail or brittle charcoal feathers;it kind of felt like each one was a shattered piece of his soul and hope that was withering away with his grace. Occasionally he would backtrack and try to pick them all up, only to turn around and see another fresh set in place of the ones in his arms.

"Hey Cas, buddy" I spoke quietly, walking over. My words seemed to be carried away by the wind as he tried helplessly to grasp bundles of feathers.  
"Cas", I interjected his clearing session and he dragged his eyes up to meet my own with an exasperated sigh. The soft translucent blue that was once lit up like the city at night was now muted and blunt; no shine, no twinkle, no hope.  
"Yes Dean?" I had to strain to hear his quiet words.  
"Just wanted to check you're okay, here let me help" I reached out to grab some from his hands but he snapped to the side  
"No it's okay, my mess, I'll clean it up" he mumbled and scurried away like a mouse.

The next morning was worse. His face and posture was beginning to mirror his wings. The silence between us was agonising and in all honestly I would have preferred him screaming and shouting over the ringing that was piercing my ears . Sam glanced at me over his mug with a mirroring expression of a concerned mother.  
"Hey Cas, we've had some things come up just a couple states down. We've whittled it down to most likely being a Djin. It might be good for you too come along and let off a little steam" He nodded robotically before mumbling a quiet  
"I'll go and grab my blade" before disappearing into the depths of the bunker.  
"Come on, we'll meet him in the car" Sam flashed me one of those 'this current situation is fucking terrible but we'll grin and pretend it's perfect' smiles and we wordlessly climbed into the Impala.

When the agonisingly long car drive was over we immediately got in place, all of us well armed and ready to go. The withering and crooked building didn't really help conceal our steps as we walked through. A middle aged woman sprang from one of the shadowed rooms, pouncing on-top of Sam. His eyes widened and he snapped round, slicing her head straight off of her neck. We continued on slowly; hearing creaking here and there was making me overly paranoid so we decided to split up: me and Sam took left and Cas carried straight on. We took out another one after ten minutes of looking high and low. We were just about to go forward when Cas' voice pierced through the silence, a kind of low scream that made my stomach churn. Without even thinking I sprinted in his direction, cursing myself furiously for even thinking about letting the newly human go off on his own. I skidded into the room on the left to find him with a dude straddling his hips, inches away from his face as it drained the life from his already pale and frail face. I sprinted over and wrestled him off of Cas, pinning him to the floor. Strong and thickly tattooed arms pushed me back as I wiggled forward and plunged the blade into its throat, dropplets of blood pooling just beside me as I chucked the body to the side and knelt next to Cas who was out stone cold, pulling his head onto my knees as I tried desperately to slow the blood draining from the stab wound in his thigh.  
"Sammy what do we do!?" My voice was frantic and wild  
"Ummm, I still have some African dream root" he exclaimed and pulled the urine coloured liquid from his bag and threw it at me. I put a small strand of Cas' hair in the disgusting concoction and didn't think twice before downing it completely.

\---

I looked around, consumed by Cas' dreamscape. I was aware that I was here to get him out of this but I also knew Djin altered the dreamscapes due to a persons deepest desire and I was endlessly curious about what his was. A small scream followed by fits of infectious laughter jolted me from my pondering and I looked at the small house in front of me that was draped in soft ivy that danced in the wind, bathing in pleasantly warm sunlight. I tentatively pushed open the door to be met with a sight that took my breath away. He was stood with a dorky little apron on, covered in flour and I was directly behind him with my arms wrapped firmly around his waist.  
"Stop tickling me I'm trying to make you a damn pie" he giggled and other me pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek  
"Well sorry princess" The other me chuckled sarcastically and nuzzled my head in his soft coal locks. My chest ached at the beautiful domestic scene unfolding before my eyes. We were so warm and at peace, no monsters, no thick black bags under our eyes and neither of us had the look of baggage and regret we seemed to always do. We were just happily in love and baking a damn pie.  
"Cas" I called out half heartedly, other me and him whipped around and a stricken look of panic danced through his glass like eyes, the carefree look they had was washed away by the dead look he'd seemed to had since the day all this crap began and my heart clattered to my feet, weighed down with guilt.  
"I thought I was dead" He whispered and I slowly shook my head. He almost looked...disappointed?  
"We need to go, the Djin put you under and you're dying topside" I said and grasped both of his shoulders. He guiltily looked back to other me who gave him a soft smile.  
"I'm going to die anyway Dean, just let me die happily" He didn't meet my eyes as the words slipped past his soft and slightly chapped lips.  
"Okay Cas listen to me" I grasped either side of his face and forced him to look at me.  
"I know this is temping okay, I get it. But while you're having the time of you're life with fake me real me is going to loose you, I can't loose you again.Please." I pleaded.  
He sighed and dropped his gaze to me feet  
"How do I wake up" His voice wobbled on the verge of tears  
"We have to do something different; break the cycle" I explained  
"Well, like what?" He eyed the kitchen and his eyes rested on the rack of knives that lined the counter. He glanced at me wearily and hesitantly walked over, grasping the large knife between his slender fingers and walked towards the other me who begged and pleaded.  
"I'm sorry" he whimpered and plunged it into his chest. The last thing that registered in my ears was the shrill scream and then we were back in the room.

I'd never been so happy to see a shitty little room as I averted my gaze to Cas who was stirring. His eyes shot open and met mine, he threw his arms around my neck and choked on sobs that were crawling their way up his throat.  
"Hey, hey it's okay" I mumbled in his ear and wrapped my arms tightly around his torso, rubbing small circles in his shaking form to try and calm him. I patiently waited for him to regain a steady breathing pattern. He pulled back and glanced down at the rag tied firmly around his leg and the missing fabric from Sam's sleeve.  
"Thank you Sam" He said, slightly breathlessly as he stood up and we all started toward the exit. He mindlessly sighed, seemingly reminiscing the scene in his head. I walked slightly closer to him so our fingertips brushed and tentatively grasped his slender hand in my own, it was ice compared to mine. He looked up at me and a new emotion washed through his eyes: hope. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head and differed his hair as we pushed through the rusty doors and got in the Impala.  
Cas had given me so much, life,care, peace of mind. So when we got home we made a damn pie and I tickled him and smothered him in kisses and flour because if all it took for him to be happy was for me to actually be honest with how I felt about him then that's exactly what I'd do because Cas deserves happiness, so that's what he's going to get.


	2. I wanna tolerate drunk you, honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dean" A gruff voice registered in Deans right ear as the angel grabbed the glass before it reached his lips and pushed it out of his reach, causing Dean to whimper and groan like a naughty child.  
> "Alcohol is going to get you nowhere but feeling even worse"

Dean choked slightly, tipping another shot of fiery alcohol down his throat, relying on it to drown the sorrows away. For every thought, memory, feeling he threw back another shot and by the end of the evening he wasn't sure which way was which and he'd lost count of the number of girls he'd either made out with or briefly eye fucked.  He remembered Sam rolling his eyes at him doing that...  
Sam.  
Another shot.  
"Dean" A gruff voice registered in Deans right ear as the angel grabbed the glass before it reached his lips and pushed it out of his reach, causing Dean to whimper and groan like a naughty child.  
"Alcohol is going to get you nowhere but feeling even worse" He remarked quietly, practically lifting him off of the stool and handing the bar tender a twenty dollar note with a quick, thankful smile. Dean groaned and put all his weight on Cas, causing the angel to also stumble but he regained his balance as fast as possible and quickly but carefully pulled Dean outside and pushed him into the shotgun seat of baby.  
"Nuh uh! Only I drive baby" He slurred almost incoherently and went to shoo Cas' hands away.  
"Not in your state"Cas grasped Deans hands and placed them down on his knees, grabbing the wheel in his own and beginning the short drive to the current shitty motel they'd stopped in to do some work.   
As Cas put the car in park and hauled Deans muscular frame out once again he cursed silently at Dean being so well build. Not that he didn't like to sneak glances at his godly figure, just that it proved to be a slight inconvenience at a time like this.He clumsily opened and closed the door, practically throwing Dean down onto the couch. Cas quietly helped him change and got him water, making him drink the whole glass before tucking him into bed. Cas felt his own eyes droop, his grace was fading faster than ever before and human characteristics had begun slipping into him. He was tired, feeling emotion and physical pain which were all red flags. His soft blue eyes wandered over to the clock that read 5:27 , he decided it was too late to bother with sleep and as much as he truly enjoyed the couple hours of bliss he didn't want to be reminded of the humanity and weakness inside of him so he brewed a cup of coffee, savouring the thick smell of caffeine overwhelm his nose and the warmth tickle the apple of his cheeks. The steam pooled around his perfectly structured face, causing a kind of bright halo-ish glow to encase him, it kinda reminded him of his grace when it was in full power. He missed that.  
Hours and minutes ticked by, the only sound filling the bunker was the gentle flipping of paper once in a while as Cas tried desperately to grasp onto every word the book put forward but  almost constant thoughts bubbled through his mind   
You're nothing without your grace,just dead weight.  
Deans destroying himself and there's nothing you can do.  
They'll get sick and tired soon.  
You've created a rift between them.  
They continued to interrupt the sentences but Cas had simply sighed, blinked a couple times and continued to read on until almost 10:30 when a low groan emitted from Deans room. Without even thinking the book fell the the floor with a thud as he practically ran into the room.  
"Ugh what time is it?"  
"10:30"  
"How much did I drink? God I feel awful"  
"A lot, but I made coffee"   
Cas' voice came out a lot more timid and soft that he had hoped. He was supposed to be in a fit of fury at the hunter for being stupid but he simply couldn't bring himself to. Dean always had that effect on him, which worried Cas slightly but he always put it out of his mind when Dean himself was around.   
He rocked back and forth on his heels, wondering if offering a hand to Dean to help him up would simply infuriate the man more, Dean had always been very weary when it came to being in close proximity or touching Cas so he decided against it. Dean hauled himself up and clumsily stumbled to the coffee, pouring it into a mug and downing it in three large gulps as he sat down. The loud sound of a phone buzzing made them both jump and Dean jumped to answer it.  
"Sammy?"  
There was a pause and Cas couldn't quite make out the low buzz of talking coming from the other end of the phone.  
"No no no, I'm sorry it was a stupid fight anyway."  
Another pause.  
"Yeah alright we'll meet you there soon"  
He ended the call and ran to quickly throw on a pair of baby blue jeans and a typical flannel, grabbing the keys to the impala.  
"Come on Cas, we're meeting Sammy at a diner near here"He called as he messily tried to fix his hair and sped out of the door. He practically ran to the car, Cas tailing behind him as they both jumped in.  
Cas pov   
Deans face lit up as we drove probably a lot higher than the speed limit towards the diner, the mucky residue of last night seemed to have completely disappeared as they pushed open the door to be greeted by a broad smile from the humongous man as he pulled Dean into a hug, both of them apologising profusely. Sam greeted me with a warm smile too as we all sat down in a little booth, I took a seat next to Dean and watched quietly as the two began to discuss the recent case.  
"Hiya what can I get you?" A cheery voice smiled  from under a short mop of curly black locks.  
"Bacon, eggs sausage and extra grease"  
"Just a Caesar salad please"  
"I'll just have some black coffee" I chimed in and the woman slowly raised an eyebrow   
"I'll make sure it's extra strong" she said with a hint of sympathy, rushing off toward the kitchen with the piece of paper.  
"She sure is right, you took like you need it" Sam said, glancing up to meet my eyes.  
"Oh no, I'm fine don't worry" I reassured him, lying through my teeth but he took it as an answer and went back to talking to Dean. I tuned out a little and glanced around, trying to focus on other people and not the looming thought of having to explain to the two about my current grace situation. The waitress placed the mug down in front of me, ripping me from my thoughts as I glanced down into the swirling dark liquid and gave a small thanks. Both boys began to eat as I sipped the frothy liquid that wasn't doing a great job at keeping me awake. Suddenly the sound of scraping forks stopped and Dean turned to stare at me with those mayfly green eyes of his that made my chest feel all goopy.  
"Hey Cas, I thought angels didn't eat or drink?" Dean remarked and I almost choked on the liquid, taken aback by his question but more taken aback by the fact I had such little time to spew out a believeable lie. But I couldn't. And the silence that dragged on seemed to scrape at my insides, making them become jelly.  
"Wait, so that's why you look like the embodiment of sleep deprivation" Sam butted in and I dropped my eye level, guilt consuming me like wildfire.  
"My grace is uh" I cleared my throat, trying desperately to stabilise my voice "fading...and fast. Lucifer pretty much absorbed all of it so I'm hanging onto loose threads here"I pressed my lips together in a line and jumped a little when Dean placed a hand of my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile.  
"That's alright Cas, don't worry" he smiled slightly and I immediately relaxed. When he removed his hand I felt a little bit colder but didn't worry too much, my eyes began to heavily droop and I could no longer make out what the two brothers were saying, my eyelashes fluttered a little and my head rested on Dean shoulder before I passed out for exhaustion completely.   
Dean POV  
A slight weight on my shoulder and the light sounds of breathing so close to my ear made me stop mid sentence and stare at the pretty much almost dead for tiredness Cas. I left him there as we talked for a little while before Sam said we ought to leave because I still needed to collect our shit from the motel and bring it back to the bunker.  
"Come on Cas,wake up" My voice was barley a whisper as I gently nudged his shoulder, causing his eyes to snap open. They flooded with guilt as he began to apologise profusely  
"I'm so sorry Dean I know you don't like it when I'm in your personal space."His voice was still laced with sleepiness but his words kind of made my heart twinge a little bit, I didn't mind Cas sleeping on me simply because it just gave me an excuse to stare at him for a little bit longer.  
"No worries Cas, it's alright" I quietly reassured him, offering a hand to him as he daintily took it, his soft, cold fingers gently wrapped around mine as he pulled himself up and smoothed his classic tan trench coat that hugged his perfect body so well. I placed a twenty on the table and we walked out to meet Sam in baby, Cas wordlessly climbed into the back, his head lulled slightly as we started to drive.  
"If you don't mind me asking, why did you not want to go to sleep?" Sam asked tentatively and Cas dragged his eyes up to meet mine, he'd stayed up to bring me home and make sure I was okay.   
"I uh....needed to make sure Dean was okay. And angels of the Lord aren't supposed to sleep anyway" His voice significantly went quieter at the end and I felt a surging feeling of guilt grip my chest. By the time we'd got the stuff and pulled up in the bunker he was completely out of it. I tentatively opened the door and pulled him into my arms, I kicked it closed and began to walk towards my room. His hands wound around my neck and he buried his face in my chest, still fast asleep. I chuckled slightly, trying to distract myself from the thick warmth that tickled my cheeks as I lay him down as gently as possible but he didn't let his iron grip loosen. After twenty minutes of sighing I gave up and just lay next to him, a content sigh passed his beautifully curved and slightly chapped lips and he cuddled in further. I glanced sideways to check the door was closed and wrapped my hands around his waist, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  
"Night Cas, love you" I murmured, slightly drunk with sleep myself.  
"Love you too" he mumbled back in a low voice. My heart pumped like a madman about to jump off of a cliff, realising what I had just said. Sensing my heart beat rising he lifted his head slightly and pushed his lips to mine, a warm trickle of what felt like liquid bliss flowed through me as I gently kissed back, treating him like a one time only collectors piece because that's exactly what he was to me.  
My treasure.


	3. That Paradise Is Buried In The Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dusty bunker brings back memories he'd wished he would have left settled with the dust

Warmth and whisky. Two smells Castiel now recognised as home which was a little unusual but still all the more comforting. He'd never really had this 'home' thing that humans babbled on about. For long enough Cas had considered Heaven to be home but the closer he grew towards Dean, Sam and human kind the more he realised Heaven was far from home. It was cold and so bright it felt like you were the one being smited and having your eyes burned out. It smelled like nothingness and felt like nothingness too. The only place of solidarity he could recall was the Heaven of a single man but apart from that there was no place he could "poof to"(as Dean called it) in heaven apart from there.

\--------

He gently ran his fingers across the bunkers rail, glancing up into the vast library that was lit up. He descended the creaky metal stairs and deeply breathed in the lingering scent of home, drinking in every tiny detail he could as he walked over to the kitchen area that was still slightly littered in beer bottles. A light chuckle erupted from his lips as he remembered the first time he tried it, he pulled an odd face which had Dean laughing so hard his cheeks turned pink and he gasped for breath, Cas had though he was dying and sprinted over to Dean and pushed two fingers to him temple, a frustrated frown concealed his features.  
"Why is it not working?" He asked innocently.  
"Because I'm not hurt Cas, I'm happy" Dean explained, his chuckles slowed and Cas smiled at him warmly.

\-------

His body carried him into the living room where he, Sam and Dean had all been watching a movie on a down day where cases were quiet. About an hour in Sam had fallen fast asleep. His long hair draped near his shoulders and outstrthed legs were sprawled across the sofa.   
Dean wordlessly stood up and crept behind him, silently beckoning Cas to join him behind Sam.  
"On three, scream as loud as you can" Dean whispered so close his warm breaths sent shivers down Cas' spine.  
He mouthed counting down and on three both of the screamed at the top of their lungs, Sam's eyes shot open and his legs got tangled in themselves and he face planted the floor. Cas and Dean doubled over in fits of hysterical belly laughter which led to Sam chasing them around the bunker.   
"Come get us moose boy!" Dean shouted back as an air of happiness and pure enjoyment lifted the air of the bunker. They all felt childlike and for the first time in a while, they could all say they were effortlessly happy.

\-------

His bright blue eyes landed on the crooked door that led to Deans room. A thick layer of dust was settled on the beside table and quilt. He brushed away a small space on the bed and ran his fingers over the silky material, his eyes looked up to the sagging pillows and he could see the scene unfold in front of him. Dean was pouring his heart out to the trencoated angel that was curled up beside him, for the first time he was opening up completely to Cas. So at the end of it all Dean was exhausted, the tear stains interjected his cluster of freckles. Cas didn't really know what he was doing when he pressed his soft, chapped lips to Deans forehead. He had witnessed many mothers do it to their babies in a comforting manner so he figured it would do the same. And he was right. Dean relaxed in his arms and glanced up, his grassy green eyes glinted in the dim room light, Cas had gotten helplessly lost in them so was completely taken aback when Dean tentatively pressed his lips against his. He went ridged for a moment before becoming liquid in Deans soft embrace. He wasn't sure what to do but it felt so natural to have his lips moving rhythmically against Deans. They were soft and plump with a hint of whiskey and cinnamon which made his head spin even more. The kiss wasn't hungry and lustful like he'd seen Dean with other women. It was loving and gentle, Dean was making up for what he couldn't bring himself to say in actions, he loved Cas and he was finally admitting it.

\------

Cas would never admit how much he hated this now. He had been alive for millenniums, he was a celestial being, he was infinite. But never had years dragged by so slowly, he was praying for some kind of solidarity because he just wanted to see Dean again, hold him in his arms and litter every inch of his skin in butterfly kisses but he couldn't. The emptiness of the bunker made him ache more, it no longer held the warmth that the boys had blessed it with. Their childish bickering and caring actions had brought life to the cold building...but that's now all it is. When they left they took it with them. The comforting blanket of warmth and whiskey that his love emitted had been ripped from Cas' grasp and he was drowning in the silence.

The calendar read 2467 but in his head it was still 2016. It was easier to picture them here than know he'd outlived them because if anyone deserved to live a life this long it was them. So he flashed himself to their Heaven where Dean was sat snuggled with a slender brunette and Sam was kissing Ruby. They couldn't see him and a part of him was happy about it, but over everything he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs until his throat was raw about how much he loved the righteous man but his blindness was slowly killing him.  
"Cas?" A gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he turned to meet Gabriel's soft eyes. He knees crumpled beneath him and Gabe wrapped his arms tightly around his younger brother who's body raked with sobs and and ran a hand comfortingly through his coal locks, his thick glimmering wings created a kind of barrier between his brother and the scene unfolding before them.  
"Come on Cas," He whispered gently,  
"lets go."

Sent from my iPhone


	4. Chest Infect Me, Waste My Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fallen Castiel find himself unwell for the first time but dean is there too look after him

A small cough and wheeze woke up the sleepy hunter. He groggily glanced across the motel room to see Sammy sprawled out fast asleep with his mouth hanging open and his long legs falling off of the side of the single bed, a brief moment of pure confusion clouded his already sleepy soul but the dragging ties of a tan trench coat in the bathroom cleared it up pretty quickly. Another rough cough dragged him from his thoughts as he padded over to the bathroom. Cas was gripping the sink, his frame swaying slightly from side to side.  
"You okay Cas?" Dean enquired and the ex-angel glanced up, his skin was pale grey, his eyes looked dull and red. Hesitantly, he nodded before leaning back over the sink and throwing up, his body convulsed as he heaved, his knuckles gripping the side of the sink so hard they were white. Dean rushed over to his side and grabbed a wet flannel; pressing it to the back of his neck as Cas heaved a few more times.  
The hunters heart sunk as he grabbed a glass of cold water and placed it beside him. His body stayed unmoving, his head still bowed over the bowl as he took some deep breaths. Dean tentatively pressed the back of his hand to his burning forehead.  
"You're sick Cas" His voice was just above a whisper, so not to wake Sammy. Cas dragged his wilting frame up and nodded, his hands shakily grasping the glass and pressing it to his perfectly chapped lips. Dean placed both of his hands on his shoulders to steady the swaying and guided him back to his bed. The cheap motel bed squeaked loudly, making Dean cringe as he buried the shivering ex-angle in a pile of blankets.  
"Get some sleep, you'll feel better" he murmured comfortingly and gave his shoulder a small squeeze before crawling into the bed next to Cas'.  
Roughly about four of five hours later when the sun was up, both hunters began to stir. Rubbing their eyes groggily and padding into the bathroom.   
"Hey Dean what time is it?" Sam said in an obnoxiously loud voice, Dean hushed him with knitted eyebrows and pointed to the sleeping form that was shivering in his restless sleep. Sam mouthed a 'sorry' with a small smirk plastered on his face, causing his other brother to mimic slapping him on the back of his head. Sam stifled a giggle and walked into the bathroom which earned an eye roll from his brother.  
Dean had absorbed himself in research as Sam sat beside him, pulling up a dusty book which he methodically turned every couple of minutes with a thoughtful look etched into his features. Dean snapped up at the sound of the bed rustling and the tail end of a trench coat whizz past him before hysterical groans and heaving sounds filled the small room. Dean was on his feet in seconds and kneeled next to Cas who was collapsed over the toilet violently vomiting his guts out, he rubbed small circles on his back. Cas' body felt like it was self-destructing, his stomach trying to claw its way through his mouth as he shivered relentlessly. He shakily tried to form words but was silenced by his own almost inhuman sounds. Dean pushed his sweat slick black strands away from their matted position on his face and lifted a glass of water to his lips, wiping the dribbling bits of blood that has slid down his chin.  
"Drink, you'll feel better" Cas weakly denied it but gave in moments later, slightly indulging in the feeling of a liquid actually going down his throat instead of the opposite direction. Though his stomach was completely empty he was still wracked with shivers.  
"I'm going to try to get you to sit up okay" Dean spoke quietly and gave a hand to Cas who almost collapsed as soon as he tried to support his own weight, Dean caught him and sat him on the shut toilet seat. His brilliant blue eyes were lulling closed as his head fell forward onto Deans shoulder and his weight increased, his completely unconscious body resting on Dean.  
"Sammy get me some ice water!" He yelled into the other room, Dean placed  Cas' head between his knees to get his blood flow right again and Sam returned with two huge jugs of freezing water which he poured over his increasingly overheating body. Half way through the second jug his eyes snapped open and met Deans, grabbing a fistful of his washed out flannel to make sure he was real.  
"Dean?" His voice broke and Dean placed both hands on either sides of his cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead as he cradled him in his arms.  
"It's just a...post fall...thing. Not used to...being human" he stumbled out and Dean nodded understandingly, refusing to let the newly human out of his grasp.   
"Sorry to worry you" His voice steadied a little and Dean shook his head  
"No, no no no don't apologise I'm just, glad you're okay" He said and wrapped an arm around Cas' frame, guiding him to his bed, this time staying right beside him as he slowly dozed off in the hunters warm arms. Sammy peaked through the door and smiled warmly at his brother who pressed the back of his hand against the forehead of the ex-angel who was coiled around him with a contented, protective look of affection glossing over his features. Dean, the man who would slaughter mercilessly but got squeamish at eyeballs and people being ill around him was centimetres away from a sniffling Cas without even blinking an eye, some profound bond.


	5. Crying all the things I wished I'd said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean isn't dealing with Cas's situation very well

Cas pov  
The battle with Abadon was coming up soon and it worried me sick. Dean was bearing the mark, Sam was losing his mind, Crowley was slimy as always and everybody was dead. There was a million different ways this could go and that terrified me the most. Being an angel meant everything was always planned to the details and it close to never derailed. I started, knowing the ending and ended knowing what was now to come but now I was plunged into darkness and my mind was taunting me about it by conjuring up images of Dean and Sam dead or dying, bloody and bruised as they cried out in agony and considering my fading grace there was nothing I could do about it. I shook my head and sighed, staring at the back of Deans seat once again.  
"You ready Cas?" Sam asked in a simple 'friendly conversation' style which was something I'd learned about during my time on Earth.  
"Um yeah, sure" I replied quietly. That was another thing I had learned, lying to make others feel better and I liked this one the least but I did it to comfort Sam who was probably more worried than me.   
My eyes wandered over to Dean who was gripping the steering wheel like a Boa constrictor trying to strangle its pray. His knuckles popped out bright white and his eyes were squinted, hiding the beautiful grassy green that held a special place in my heart. I so desperately wanted to reach out and run my hands through his messy brown hair, kiss him into oblivion and say everything was going to be okay, but I understood this yearning for love was one sided and so I kept my hands placed firmly in my lap. The Impala swerved into a parking spot near the dingy building I recognised as Crowley's hideout here on Earth, or at the moment it was Abadons. We all silently got out and I felt to make sure my angel blade was handy. All three doors slammed closed and Dean took the lead as we walked forward. He glanced back and looked at us both with a nod that said 'if we die then no hard feelings' as he threw the door open.  
"ABADON YOU GINGER WHORE GET OUT HERE!" He screeched as she popped right in front of him.  
"You were saying" she grinned deviously and I wanted nothing more than to beat her face in for being sarky with my love. Whilst I glared at her I felt a hand grasp my jacket and I whipped around, thrusting forward with my blade as the demon let out a mangled cry when it died.  
It felt like the demons were never ending, I'd been stabbing and punching for longer than my body could handle. My arms grew weak and my motions sloppy. As I stabbed again a spray of blood flew across my cheek and stained my clothes. A high pitch scream made the demons and us stop, we all snapped our heads to the left. Dean had her cornered and without even thinking my wings sprouted from the blades of my back, they stretched about 5ft across each way and were the deepest shade of coal. Feathers were falling off all over the place which was a cruel reminder of my fading grace but they would do in buying Dean some time to finally put her down. I flapped them back and forth occasionally, pushing back as many demons as I could. As I felt them clawing more prominently at my wings but time seemed to slow as Dean plunged the first blade deep into her chest. She seemed to gasp before collapsing to the floor lifelessly, all of the demons disappeared upon her death and I inhaled deeply. Dean sunk to his knees and continued to stab her in the stomach.   
"Dean" I said wearily, approaching him slowly.  
"Dean stop! She's dead!" I shouted and grasped his shoulder, jerking it back. He shot up and came face to face with me, we were mere centimetres apart and I was suddenly aware of the mania that swirled in his eyes and the weapon in his hands. My heart sped to an unthinkable rate and I went to take a step back but he swung his fist forward and it collided with my jaw, sending me stumbling back. I pushed my wings forward to try and push him away, only for him to plunge the weapon into the flurry of feathers. I cried out, a surge of pain shot through my body, once again an iron fist collided with my face. My back hit the ground and everything after that seemed to blend together, I barely registered the continuous punches being throw at me or the mix of grace and blood that was pooling around my wing before soft swirls of black pulled at the corner of my eyes and lulled me into unconsciousness.  
Dean POV  
"DEAN STOP IT" Sam's voice seemed distant and barley registered as he pulled me up and grasped my arms. I jumped slightly, now finally in control of my body. I feverishly dropped the blade as Sam gripped my face  
"You good?" He asked cautiously and I nodded, my eyes dropped to the body's scattered along the floor until they rested upon two curled pairs of wings that I was standing over. I brought my knuckles in front of my eyes and saw the damage was from fighting and the only person in here with bruising to match was Cas...I bent down are shakily placed my hand in front of his slightly ajar lips, a very very shallow warm breath tickled my hand and I exhaled deeply.He was alive at least.  
"You fix what you can and get him to the Impala, I'll call Crowley to pick her up" Sam muttered as he pulled his phone out and wandered towards Abadons body. I dropped to my knees next to Cas and started hopelessly at his wing as the last bits of Grace began to dissipate. I managed to to wiggle my arms just under the wings and under his legs, pulling him up into my arms and walking outside. One of his wings was draped over my shoulder and the other dragged lifelessly along the ground. I cocooned them around his limp body and placed him in the back, sitting in the drivers seat and tapping at the wheel impatiently. Sam climbed in and we drove in an uncomfortable silence to the bunker.  
Days had past and the guilt was gnawing away at my insides, leaving me feeling too sick to eat. His wings extended past the bed and I was in there everyday, sweeping feathers. They'd begun to almost die in a sense, pretty much only the top line was left and that was charred and falling off to. And all of it was my fault, I'd almost killed Cas and looking at his dying wings and split lips made me want to smash my head against a wall.   
A few more days passed and nothing had changed except his wings were now completely gone and his breathing was coming and going.  
Another set of days passed and it finally seized. The breathing, the pulse, the last spark of life dribbled out of him. His beautiful blue eyes and stupid comments were ripped from my life just like that. I didn't get to sit by his side and tell him how much I loved him just before he made a miraculous recovery like he always did, but this time he didn't and the last thing I did was beat him into the ground.  
More days passed and Sam now had to physically drag me from Cas' room. My body was paralysised and glued to the chair   
Weeks passed and he'd had a good old hunters send off, and I'd drunk myself to oblivion that night, twirling a feathers between my thumb and forefinger, crying all the things I wished I'd said.


	6. Is There Still Magic In The Midnight Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was an endless amount of things Castiel loved and envied about human kind. He could sit and marvel at them for hours but unlike his brothers who simply focused on the explicit things, he believed it was the small simplistic characteristics of these beautiful creatures that gave them a star-like twinkle

Dean POV  
There was an endless amount of things Castiel loved and envied about human kind. He could sit and marvel at them for hours but unlike his brothers who simply focused on the explicit things, he believed it was the small simplistic characteristics of these beautiful creatures that gave them a star-like twinkle. He enjoyed the facial expressions of people as they read. Eyes drawing toward the spine of the book before darting back out to the edge, hungry for story and knowledge as they knitted their brows together and mindlessly dragged at their bottom lip with their teeth.They deeply indulged in every phrase, emotion and piece of knowledge that they soaked up from the simple formation of the alphabet in different orders which could create worlds and help shape their own.  
Or when they slipped into deep slumbers, a sheer curtain of contentedness slipped over them that seemed magic. It could bring the sharpest of features and personalities down to soft breaths and fluttery eyes whilst they wandered around in dreamy galaxies of their own. But of all features of the human body he loved hands the most, mine seemed to particularly interest him. We'd been sat trying to watch a movie after a small hunt and he'd absentmindedly lift my hand up and hold in in his palms, running his fingers through the indents and patches of skin that were bruised or rock solid from years of shooting guns.  
"Cas why do you like them so much?" I asked one day as the Impala swayed softly on the bumpy road, one hand he'd claimed and the other was on the wheel.  
"These are the things that made everything." His voice was dreamy and quiet.  
"It creates and destroys, inflicts love or pain. The same hands you use to pick and plant flowers you use to shoot a gun, and that concept has always bewildered me. Some are little and dainty with skin as soft as the pads of an animals paw and others are larger, worn down and thick as leather from hard bearing tasks. The simple flick of a finger or grip of a palm could either create or destroy absolutely everything.To me they are a terrifying kind of beautiful." He glanced up at my awestruck face, a rosy red blush poking at his cheeks.  
"Wow" I breathed, taken completely aback by the soft poetic words that flowed melodically from his lips.  
"I guess I've never really thought about it that way" I added and gave him a small smile.  
"Well I mean when all you've been doing is watching over humans for millenniums you tend to notice and appreciate the small things." Once again he twiddled my index finger around with his own before cautiously intertwining them.  
"Do you mind?" His normally gruff and intimating voice was now a mere soft medley that could have been oh so easily picked up and carried away by the wind.   
"No, it's nice. I don't mind" I reassured with a small smile and squeezed his hand in reassurance.  
The drive back was long and quiet. Only alternating hums to the tunes that were emitted by the ancient speakers. I pulled into the bunkers parking spot, cursing silently as the bumpy ground seemed to make my already sleep deprived brain feel like it was rattling around in an empty box. The engine purred to a halt and I glanced over at Cas who was already looking at me with a content, loving smile. My cheeks flushed a deep red and the sensation of someone holding a lighter up to my face washed over me.   
"Um Cas, I might need my hand back..." I chuckled lightly.  
"Oh, my apologies Dean" He mumbled and pulled his hand away, I internally winced at the loss of warmth and comfort but brushed it off quickly. I shouldn't be thinking like this, it's wrong. Cas is a friend, and a dude for gods sake. I slammed the door and strode toward the bunker and straight towards my room, not even bothering to greet Sam. The soft joyful feeling that I had indulged in moments ago was shattered by anger and frustration.I sat on my bed, letting the solid base and melodic strumming flow through my ears, numbing the whirling thoughts.  
Cas POV  
"Uh, hey...Cas...you alright?" Sam asked with a slightly confused frown. A whirlwind of sadness and guilt seems to sit like acid in my stomach, burning and scathing my insides. My mouth opened and closed, no words seemed to pass them. I swallowed and tried again  
"Did I do something wrong?" My voice sounded meek and the furthest from bold.  
"No Cas, did anything happen?"  
"Well we held hands but he was completely okay with it, seemed even happy about it." The end of my sentence trailed off as I glanced up at Sam. His glowy eyes met mine and he gave me a comforting pat on the back.  
"Deans got this thing about being a 'ladies-man' and I mean in all honesty he's the most bisexual person I've ever met in my life. Just let him sleep on it alright?" His face beamed with genuine care and I quietly thanked him before going to my own room and letting my brain go numb, trying to indulge in he closest thing to sleep an angel could manage.   
At around half nine in the morning I was sat at the kitchen table, my head buried in an old book. I slowly looked up at the pitter patter of feet, my eyes dragged up his body, dreading meeting those bloody green eyes that mimicked the first pop of emerald after a hard winter. A soft pair of lips were suddenly pressed against my own, my eyes widened with shock but I gleefully mirrored the gentle movement of his lips. The taste of whisky and smell of old leather drowned my senses like a drug, my hands rested on his shoulders as we both pulled back for air, panting like marathon runners.  
"I hope that got my message across well enough" Dean mumbled into my ear, engulfing me in a tight hug.   
"Of corse" I smiled and pressed a quick peck to his lips, staying wrapped up in his arms.   
"I love you Cas, I really do I'm so sorry" His words were quiet but all the more meaningful.  
"I love you too"


	7. I'll be alright, your bark was worse than your bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh for the love of God Dean, Shut up"  
> huffed Gabriel as he slammed the thick leather book shut and glared up at him.Both boys were stunned into silence considering his rather passive nature it seemed out of place for him to suddenly start shouting.

"Oh for the love of God Dean, Shut up"  
huffed Gabriel as he slammed the thick leather book shut and glared up at him.Both boys were stunned into silence considering his rather passive nature it seemed out of place for him to suddenly start shouting.  
"What?" Dean asked defensively which earned him a death glare from the ex-Archangel.  
"What?" He repeated with an exasperated hand gesture,  
"You've slated my brother off endlessly for god knows how long and you're asking me what it is you've done!?" He pointed a finger menacingly at Dean and stood up.  
"So whilst you're sat here dillydallying and absorbing yourself in another persons mistakes to get your mind off of off your own I think you seem to have discarded the memories of things he did for you," Gabe walked towards him and continued on.  
"My brother almost got himself killed and plunged into hell to haul your ass back topside, lost an army of angels and a guaranteed win in a war that could save angel kind just to keep you breathing, took on a batch of Leviathan so he'd be strong enough to help win a war to save you, carved a sigil that's capable of blowing him to bits into his chest with a fucking box cutter to give you a chance to save your brother and I'm only beginning to scratch the surface." His voiced wavered slightly and he swallowed back the lump that had unknowingly formed in his throat.   
"He never asked Cas to do those things" Sam butted in after a couple seconds of silence.  
"But if he didn't do something for the damn Winchesters it would eat away at him. When you guys pulled him up for working with Crowley in order to try and save you I could hear him buzzing and panicking...and my angel radio was turned off. Saying to Cas that he shouldn't try and save you is like telling each other to accept that the other is actually gone or dead. And we all know how closely you follow that through." He rolled his eyes and returned to boring evils in both boys.   
When the sun methodically set and rose, the uncomfortable feeling that lingered in the Bunker stayed unmoving. Dean had muttered about needing his five hours and headed off to bed with Sam following shortly after. Gabriel disregarded their words and continued to rhythmically flit through a book on revival and pulling someone out of Purgatory. He was so engrossed in the twists and turns of the old writing that he barley noticed two people sitting opposite him until Sam awkwardly coughed. He lifted his gaze and raised an eyebrow, making eye contact with both boys but before he could roll his eyes and carry on reading Dean spoke up.  
"Listen bud, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday but you can't sit here and sulk into a book for hours on end out of pettiness."   
Gabe let out a sarcastic chuckle and placed the book facedown,  
"Well you see the thing is; Sorry isn't going to bring him back is it? And I'm not sat here sulking, I'm sat here trying to find a solution to a problem you keep pushing under the carpet. He is rotting and dissipating right under our feet and all you can seem to be worried about is your damn ego and not the fact some kind of hellish vamp is probably trying to claw his neck off at this very moment." He hissed and picked up the book again.  
"You really do love my brother and I get that, but burying it under your own shit just isn't okay. You may have twisted him into serving you like a dog but I can promise you It'll be different with me because I get that your bark is worse than your bite"


End file.
